Monday, March 28, 2011

Wedding Etiquette- The RSVP

RSVP. répondez s'il vous plaît. Respond please or please respond.


OMFG Whyyyy has only 1/4 of the people invited said they are coming! What are the other 75% dooooiiiiing?!?!!?

I never understand why people can't RSVP to things. Is it because they can't come? Don't want to come? Don't yet know if they are going to come? Forgot?

Whatever it is, it is most definitely, without a doubt RUDE to NOT  RSVP. Whether you are coming or not. Especially to weddings.

I'm not a big fan of spending a lot of money on wedding invitations... but some people do. We bought ours from Michael's and printed on them ourselves. I probably spent about $100 on invitations with Michael's coupons, and we wasted a whole bunch trying to get the printer to print properly. We also still have almost a whole box of 30 left over.

What was my point there? Oh! Some people spend a lot of money on wedding invitations, only to have about 20% of them thrown right into the trash or "lost." Think about that when you get one next time and toss it in the garbage right away! Someone spent a lot of time and potentially money on that! Maybe there's a little blood too from all the paper cuts...

The bottom line is... If you get an invitation with an 'RSVP by' date, do it. Most people opt to send the RSVP envelopes with a stamp already on them, so all you have to do is write your name and the name of your guest(s) and put it in your mailbox!

OHH!! And that little line, the mysterious M_______________. The M is there for a reason and so is the line. The M is there for you to begin writing Mr./Mrs./Miss whatever... followed by the names of ALL of the guests attending. I know there's never enough space, but write all of the names anyway.. it's ok if they aren't all on the line.. write them underneath! Hell, use the back of the card to write the names, just put them SOMEWHERE. And PLEASE do NOT send response cards back with no name on them.. how do you expect people to know who the flying monkey butts you are?!

The 'Maybe'
The maybe is.. well. Rude AND sucky. Here's the dealio. Most wedding venues/caterers (and this is if you are NOT catering your own wedding) (why would you do that?) require that you give them a final headcount at least 2 weeks in advance. Some may be in as little as a week but it all depends on the size of the venue and the types of events they cater to. So! If you say, "I don't know if we are going to come yet. Put us down as 'maybe'" The bride has to guestimate how many people to add to her list. You probably won't be the only maybe, so let's just say that for every 100 people, there's probably 10 "maybes"  Our venue cost is inclusive of quite a few things. Venue, catering, open bar for 3.5 hours, DJ and cake for $88 per person for the meal package we chose. So $88 x 10= $880! That's a lot of money for a "maybe!"

I would say, just to be safe, if someone says they are a "maybe" tell them to let you know two and a half weeks out. If they are still a "maybe" then, count them out.

They also say that you should expect at least 20% of the people you invite to decline the invitation, and 15-20% to ignore your free stamp and very important deadline. A good estimate for out of town guests accepting is probably 55%. Of course, this depends on the relative wealth of your invited guests and age. Meaning, if they po, they prolly ain't comin! If they old and crippled, they prolly ain't comin! If they old AND po, they definitely ain't comin!


We invited about 130 people to our wedding with a goal of no more than 100 actually showing up. Our RSVP by date was March 25th and since then, we have received about 76 yes's, 15ish No's and 10ish "maybe's."  Most of our guests are out of towners (not in the Tri-State area of Virginia, DC or Maryland).

So...(and I didn't do these calculations until AFTER writing all of the other stuff!! Creeeepyyyy)
 58% of our invited guests said YES.
 8% said MAYBE
 11% said NO
 23% have not responded <--------FAAAAAAILLLLLLLLL

Pretty close to the guestimations "they" set out.

Who are "they" anyway? I dunno.

Friday, March 18, 2011

The Deets Part 4: The Fauxto Booth

I REALLLLLLLLY wanted a photo booth at our wedding no matter what venue we chose. But I'll be darned if renting one isn't ridiculously expensive!!! Holy crap. The cheapest one I found was around $500 for 3 hours but you still have to pay for the attendant to be there and for a certain amount of prints. $500-$1000+ was not in our budget AT ALL. So I decided to make our own.

I don't have a picture of the frame itself without the back drop on it.. but if I get bored enough to put it back together, I'll take one for you to see. :)

I DID however, take a really bad video with my cell phone to send to my mom and sister that I will share with you. Ignore my gross voice. I was getting over being sick so I sound froggy and high pitched at the same time. It's a glorious period when you're getting better. Puberty much?

We went to Lowes and cleaned our store out of the useful 3/4" PVC fittings (I spent a lot of time sitting on the disgusting floor searching through bins to find the right sized pieces we needed), and bought a couple pieces of 5 foot 3/4" PVC pipe. I think all together we probably bought about seven 5' pieces and had a little bit left over. For some reason, buying two 5' pieces was WAY cheaper than buying one 10' piece of PVC in the same size but if the 10' piece is cheaper for you then go for it!

We also bought a PVC pipe cutter which we subsequently broke 10 minutes into cutting the pipes to the right sizes. Whoops. Someone *aheeeeeem*Zac*aheeem* didn't read the directions on how to cut pipe with it. So that's $10 down the drain. It still does it's job, but there's a huge chunk taken out of the blade. Ha

3/4 inch elbow

3/4 inch Tee

3/4 inch coupler
  We bought probably 6 elbows at $0.30 a piece, 2 Tees at $0.36 each,  and a butt load of couplers (maybe 6-10?) at $0.20 each.  We had a rough idea of how we wanted to build the frame, but didn't know how it was going to work out so we bought what we thought we needed. Zac ended up having to go back for a couple more pieces when we realized it wasn't stable enough.

Our first attempt didn't seem sturdy at all. And the bar across the top wobbled. I was worried drunk people might knock it over and break something at the venue. Here is my little doodle so you can see what we had initially.
**Disclaimer: I am NOOOOOT an artist**
**It's OK to laugh!**

Our second attempt was much better and much sturdier. I am worried about people tripping over the pipes, but I think they will be ok. I'm still contemplating whether or not I should spray paint the PVC black or white to cover up all of the writing. I'm leaning more towards "I don't care" at the moment. The size of the booth ended up being about 7 feet tall, and 6ish feet long so we added a foot or two to each 5' piece on the frame to make the desired length. One 5' PVC pipe for each side x's 5 sides = 5 PVC pipes + 2- 5' PVC pipe for cutting in smaller pieces to make desired length. The legs are made of two pieces connected with a Tee and each piece is about a foot long.

If I did this again, I would probably plan it out a bit better. Reading all of this makes my head hurt... but when you look at it, you would never know that Zac was cussing up a storm while cutting the PVC, or that I was getting mad at him for getting mad at building the frame.. haha.

Here is our second and final frame:

We very well could have used more couplers than what I listed on the picture, but you get the idea!

So basically, attach pvc pipes together with couplers to reach desired length. When connecting pipes to make an angle, you need an elbow. When connecting the top to the bottom portion, you need a Tee. Simple.

For the backdrop, I bought a black Queen sized sheet at Wal Mart for about $11. I probably could have found something cheaper, but the dimensions were right, and it was easy and quick.

To attach the sheet and still be able to take it off, I pulled the sheet across the frame until we were holding it where we wanted it. I folded the top half down over the top bar and secured in a couple of spots with safety pins. On the sides, I folded the leftover material over towards the middle of the frame, basically making an upside down L with the top part of the fabric and secured with safety pins in a few spots.




And that's about it! If this makes no sense to you.. it's ok. I'm a little scatterbrained! I also splattered red and white acrylic paint all over the sheet to give it some texture. I was worried people might blend in if they were wearing black, so I wanted there to be some distinction!

Here are some photos of the finished booth!

I probably should have ironed the sheet first... but I really just didn't care at the time!

Monday, March 14, 2011

three's a charm...or not.

Lemme just start off by expressing a big fat UUUUUUUGGHHH!

Ok done.

I had my 3rd dress fitting tonight at 6:30pm at the store where I bought my dress. These are supposed to be fun right? The bride is supposed to be giddy and cry and jump for joy when the sweet, well mannered seamstress brings it out with a big smile on her face as she says "Your dress is doooone! It looks beautiful!!"

I hate TV. Where's David Tutera with my beautiful designer dress that probably costs more than our whole wedding?

Totally not how it happens. At least not on my TV show in my head. Going to the store where I got my dress on a weekday, in the evening, is a huge inconvenience. If you live anywhere near DC, you know how HORRID traffic is. The last time I went (and also tonight) I elected to take the Metro. While more convenient in the sense that I don't have to drive through DC towards VA, except for my drive from work to the Metro in MD, it still sucks. Going into  DC on the metro is fine, because everyone else is going the other way... but once I get to the first stop in DC going towards VA, it's like cramming 80 mexicans in Pinto. NOT kosher.

Pretend I'm Jim Carey in this photo.

*sigh* Might I also ask for a little courtesy whilst riding the Metro? PUHLEASE wear deodorant. P-L-E-A-S-E! It really dampens the mood when I'm standing in the aisle of the Metro car, packed like a sardine, and I turn to find my nose 2 inches away from a sweaty, hairy, STINKY arm-pit monster.

So an hour and a half later, I arrive at the Metro station, my mom picks me up and we head over to the store.I wait about 10 minutes for the seamstress to be ready, then go into the dressing room, cram myself into my Spanx (btw- I LOVE these. They are extremely difficult to get on, but maaaaan do they make my butt cuter and less fatty, and flatten out my jelly rolls) and start putting the dress on. I look down at the boobs, and wtf. Little threads EVERYWHERE, missing beads, loose beads---uuuuuuugh. They never fixed it.

I call my mom in to zip up the dress for me, she zips it half way and RIIIIIIIIIPPPPPP. The mother ffing zipper rips right off of the dress. You have GOT to be kidding me. Holy whore in a hand-basket. Now, I haven't gained any weight and I didn't Hulk out.. but I wanted to gouge the seamstress's eyes out at that very moment. 

The seamstress came in and acted like nothing happened.. "Oooo how deed dat happeeen?" Because you suck. That's how.

(Edit: Her name is Myra! I rememberedededed! :))
In addition to the zipper ripping right off the dress, the lining inside the dress was bubbling out of the boob section, and the area under right arm pit was gaping wide open....

She didn't fix diddly squat last time. So now, I have to go back a 4th time on March 31st.

Dear David Tutera,
I would love to have you come make this wedding process stop sucking.

Please? I'll bake you cookies!!! :(

Friday, March 4, 2011

'Say Yes to the Dress' is a Liarface... are all those other wedding dress shopping shows. Sometimes they show minor mental breakdowns while brides are dress shopping. But I feel like the brides and mom's are on their semi-best behavior when they are being filmed.

Here's a list of awkwardness/frustrations and thoughts that I experienced while dress shopping. Have fun.

Thoughts about getting nekked/trying on the dresses with the sales girl in the dressing room:
  • Um...can you turn around please and not look at my boobies and fat belly?
  • There's no way in hell my fat ass is fitting in that dress. But if you want me to try it on!
  • If you pull it down anymore its going to rip. I'm not paying for that!
  • That dress is F-U-G-L-Y. Who put that in here?! I didn't pick that! If you grabbed that for me you need to be fired.

  • I have to pee. If you tighten that dress any tighter, I'm peeing on you.
  • When you come to work tomorrow, you should put on MORE deodorant. Maybe some perfume.I know this job is hard with lifting your arms above your head constantly and what not.. but puh-lease! It smells.
  • I know you're thinking "God I fucking hate this job. All these bitchy brides coming into the store every day. Stop yelling at me! I'm just trying to do my job! UGH! I need a new job!" How do I know? You wince too much and your smile is fake.
  • I look like a fat $5 whore.
  • What the flying frick is up with these mirrors? It's like being at a carnival at the house of mirrors. Big! Fat! Skinny! Short! Wide! Tall! Thin! WooooOoOOOOOOoooOOOOooOo!
  • A family of midgets could live under this dress.
Things I wanted to say to my mom but didn't...ok, ok. I DID say some of them....just some!
  • Ugly. Ugly. Ugly. Ugly. U-G-L-Y. UGLY!
  • no no no no no no no
  • It's what *I* want. ME. Not YOU. ME!
  • I know you like it but it's too expensive. Are you paying for it? NO. PUT IT BACK. Also, it's ugly.
  • If you don't stop crying about how much you like this hideous dress, I'm going to rip it off of me like the Hulk and storm out of the store in my underwear and bra-less titties.
  • I hate you.
  • Can we go now? My self esteem is even lower now than when we came into the store.
  • How come when I find a dress *I* like, you think it's the most atrocious thing on the planet?!
  • Can't you just keep your opinion to yourself and let me pick a dress *I* want!?
  • But I want you to like it tooooooooo!
  • I hate you.
Cue mental breakdown....
  • UUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH! I don't care anymore! Let's just get one so I can go home!!!!!
  • (while stomping feet on the ground like a 5 year old) NOOOOOOOOO!!! NO NO NO NO NO! It's ugly!
  • Do you like it or not?!!?! "Maybe" is not an answer!
  • I can't get out of this dress! UGGGHHH! It's stuck! Get me out! Now now now! *whimpering* It huuurrrrrrts!!! Ow ow ow ow ow.
  • I'm not going to cry about this dress so stop waiting for the cliche tv reaction! I said I like it so let's buy it and go home!
Just in case you're wondering.. I'm not bridezilla. I try really hard not to get mad at people, but I get frustrated really easily and want to just give up on these types of things. ESPECIALLY when it comes to clothes. Pretty sure I made my mom mad a couple of times... but it happens! Just imagine lots of irritation... think HULK SMASHING thoughts, and go back and read it all again.

It's ok to hate me now.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Wedding Etiquette- Bridesmaid Duties

Bridesmaid duties... They are pretty similar to the Maid of Honor duties, but may include more following directions from the MOH or bride and executing. Of course, the bridesmaids are always included in the planning process, around for input on dresses/hair/make-up etc. They are also there to help the bride with anything she may need help with.

Some common Bridesmaid duties may include:

Pre Wedding:
  • Playing a supportive role for the bride in the planning process
  • Shopping for the wedding dress with the bride
  • Shopping for Bridesmaid dresses with the bride
    • I think this is a VERY important step. With my bridesmaids, I wanted to make sure the dresses looked good on ALL of them. I have seen many BMs wear HORRIBLY ugly and unflattering dresses because they looked good on some of the BMs but not all of them. Some brides don't care, and want what they want.... but I wanted my bridesmaids to be comfortable and look good too!
  • Shopping for accessories for the wedding day
  • Helping the bride plan the details for the wedding
  • Helping to plan the bridal shower/engagement party/bachelorette party
  • Address invitations if the bride needs help
  • Help the bride and/or groom register for items for their Registry if help is needed
  • Spread the word about where the bride and groom are registered
  • Attend and help out during the wedding rehearsal and rehearsal dinner
    • this day can be confusing and stressful. The bride and groom may need help to keep the ball rolling to get things accomplished. Some venues only allow you to practice for a short amount of time without having to pay for your time there!
Wedding Day:
  • Run last minute errands
  • Assist with wedding vendors- check off arrivals of equipment/deliveries and make sure they go where they need to (if no Coordinator is available)
  • Assist the bride with getting ready
  • Assist other bridesmaids in getting ready
  • Check on the groom and groomsmen and make sure they are running ON TIME!
  • Witness the signing of the marriage license
  • Stand in the receiving line (this is kind of old fashioned. The last time I went to a wedding that did this, I was 6 and it was 1992)
  • Serve as a hostess at the wedding reception, introducing guests, showing them where to go, etc.
  • Carry the brides wedding gown train as necessary
  • help to bustle the train before the reception begins
  • Accompany the bride to the restroom if she needs help!

Of course, there are many things that you may or may not do as a Bridesmaid. The most important thing is to be there for the bride and assist her when she needs help. Planning a wedding is stressful! She will need all the support she can get!