'Say Yes to the Dress' is a Liarface...

...so are all those other wedding dress shopping shows. Sometimes they show minor mental breakdowns while brides are dress shopping. But I feel like the brides and mom's are on their semi-best behavior when they are being filmed.

Here's a list of awkwardness/frustrations and thoughts that I experienced while dress shopping. Have fun.

Thoughts about getting nekked/trying on the dresses with the sales girl in the dressing room:

• Um...can you turn around please and not look at my boobies and fat belly?
• There's no way in hell my fat ass is fitting in that dress. But if you want me to try it on!
• If you pull it down anymore its going to rip. I'm not paying for that!
• That dress is F-U-G-L-Y. Who put that in here?! I didn't pick that! If you grabbed that for me you need to be fired.
• I HEARD A RIP! I HEARD A RIP! TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF!
• 
  I have to pee. If you tighten that dress any tighter, I'm peeing on you.
• When you come to work tomorrow, you should put on MORE deodorant. Maybe some perfume.I know this job is hard with lifting your arms above your head constantly and what not.. but puh-lease! It smells.
• I know you're thinking "God I fucking hate this job. All these bitchy brides coming into the store every day. Stop yelling at me! I'm just trying to do my job! UGH! I need a new job!" How do I know? You wince too much and your smile is fake.
• I look like a fat $5 whore.
• What the flying frick is up with these mirrors? It's like being at a carnival at the house of mirrors. Big! Fat! Skinny! Short! Wide! Tall! Thin! WooooOoOOOOOOoooOOOOooOo!
• A family of midgets could live under this dress.

Things I wanted to say to my mom but didn't...ok, ok. I DID say some of them....just some!

• Ugly. Ugly. Ugly. Ugly. U-G-L-Y. UGLY!
• no no no no no no no
• It's what *I* want. ME. Not YOU. ME!
• I know you like it but it's too expensive. Are you paying for it? NO. PUT IT BACK. Also, it's ugly.
• If you don't stop crying about how much you like this hideous dress, I'm going to rip it off of me like the Hulk and storm out of the store in my underwear and bra-less titties.
• I hate you.
• Can we go now? My self esteem is even lower now than when we came into the store.
• I- DON'T-LIKE-THAT-STYLE-OF-DRESS. STOP handing it to me! STOP STOP STOP! AHKJAHHGDAJS!
• How come when I find a dress *I* like, you think it's the most atrocious thing on the planet?!
• Can't you just keep your opinion to yourself and let me pick a dress *I* want!?
• But I want you to like it tooooooooo!
• I hate you.

Cue mental breakdown....

• UUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH! I don't care anymore! Let's just get one so I can go home!!!!!
• (while stomping feet on the ground like a 5 year old) NOOOOOOOOO!!! NO NO NO NO NO! It's ugly!
• Do you like it or not?!!?! "Maybe" is not an answer!
• I can't get out of this dress! UGGGHHH! It's stuck! Get me out! Now now now! *whimpering* It huuurrrrrrts!!! Ow ow ow ow ow.
• I'm not going to cry about this dress so stop waiting for the cliche tv reaction! I said I like it so let's buy it and go home!

Just in case you're wondering.. I'm not bridezilla. I try really hard not to get mad at people, but I get frustrated really easily and want to just give up on these types of things. ESPECIALLY when it comes to clothes. Pretty sure I made my mom mad a couple of times... but it happens! Just imagine lots of irritation... think HULK SMASHING thoughts, and go back and read it all again.

It's ok to hate me now.